stifling the superpower
hero-ing and hustling through
When I'm at my worst, I can appear at my best.
This is kinda scary.
Here’s how the dominos drop:
I start to feel overwhelmed. And then I start to hustle.
Eventually, laser focused and lightening-strike productive, I whip myself into a frenzy where I can't stop. Until…. I’m really, really, really depleted.
Unfortunately, people love this high achieving expression of me.
My mom will say I'm superwoman.
My husband will say I'm kicking a$$.
There is praise and admiration because everything seems to be under control, even over the top, all the wheels are on the bus.
But inside (oooohhhhh those truth-telling insides!), I feel lost and alone and totally out of control.
During these moments, I desperately want someone to tell me to stop.
To put it down.
Sit down.
Lay down.
Leave it alone.
Sometimes they do. Sometimes I listen. Often I can’t hear them. Because this is an inside job.
Once upon a time, this coping mechanism happened rarely and only under extreme circumstances. (Like moving out of San Francisco, during a global pandemic, and driving through wildfires, in a U-Haul, to start again in Bend.)
Now, with family and step-parenting, the opportunity to be overwhelmed is often. And this pattern has been bubbling up.
So.
The bad news is I find myself doing this dance more regularly.
The good news is I get to work with it more deliberately.
Working with it feels like wrestling a sea monster. Think Scylla from Greek Mythology. Multiple heads plus octopus tentacles. Slippery and sneaky and seems to be everywhere. Just when you’ve got a piece pinned, something else slaps you upside the head. It’s exhausting, ugly, and almost all the action is underwater. Most of the effort goes unseen.
Wrestling takes the form of deep listening and gentle responding. An intimate relationship with my nervous system. Patient curiosity for the feelings and sensations arising in my body. Doggedly questioning stories. Flexibility and creativity in practices. Staying centered through movement, stillness, resilience, and reflection.
If you’ve got some sea monsters of your own,
or a tendency to superpower your way through things,
or want to know yourself more fully, deeply and completely,
look into the Make Practice Miraculous Challenge. There will be another guided-group experience starting late summer. The Founding Members have gotten so much out of it. See the quotes below.
May your practice bring little victories of inner awareness,
Alison
"My mind is exploding in the best of ways."
- Carolyn
Each practice met me right where I was and brought me right where I needed to be. Masterfully designed!
-Julia
"The app is a game changer for me. It's fun, accessible, challenging, supportive and totally personal. It's created a yoga space for me that doesn't depend on location or situation. The challenge has held me accountable, let me explore at my own pace and rhythm, and created connection with others that are interested in what I'm studying, allowing an expanded reflection of different perspectives."
-Kerri
